Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a lady aged 22, and I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy online for three years now.
He is 25, and we only met in the first year thrice, and ever since all our plans to meet up are to no avail.
The last time we met, we kissed and took pictures.
He is someone who is focused and promises the best future for us as he is always talking about it.
We text a lot on WhatsApp and Instagram.
We rarely make calls, but when we do, I am the one who would have called.
We talk for a bit and he cuts it short, saying he sacrificed time to talk to me and he has to go back to work.
He is flirty and romantic, and I like him a lot.
He has never shown me any of his family members or friends.
He has only told his friends about me.
He stays far from my city and whenever we plan to meet, he does not leave out that we have to meet up somewhere appropriate for us to be intimate.
He says it is not even Biblically wrong since he is going to marry me.
It turns me off, but he then later eases it by talking about church stuff, the progress he is making in his programming stuff and our future marriage.
This lightens me and makes me want to like him more.
Now this year I met another guy.
He is 24 and I feel a spark and instant connection with him so much.
We meet a lot since he stays around and I like spending time with him.
We go out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even walks in the neighbourhood.
He makes me happy and his personality ticks all the boxes well. He introduced me to his siblings and mom, and they love me.
I am very close to his sister, and I have introduced him to my siblings and my cousins. He shows that he is very serious with me.
He respects me and is not even rushing the courtship.
He wants to give me more time to think.
He says he wants something very serious and not to play around with feelings.
I respect him.
He is very short tempered and hates people who lie to him.
But he asked me three times and I told him that I am single and have never kissed anyone before.
Now that we are getting serious, I fear how damaged he might be when he finds out that I lied to him.
He says if I tell him the truth, it will not stop him from liking me, but I don’t have the confidence to do so.
I also feel guilty cheating on my online boyfriend and scared to tell him that I want to end things because he might leak the pictures of the time we kissed when we met up.
I am confused what if the physical guy is not the one and I would have lost the real love of my life (the online one).
I need help please!
Joyie
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Aunty Lisa responds:
Dear Joyie,
It’s understandable that you’re feeling confused and torn between two different relationships. However, it’s important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being in making decisions about your love life. Here is some advice to consider:
- Assess your current relationship: Reflect on your long-distance relationship with the online guy. Evaluate whether it meets your emotional needs and if it has a future. Consider the lack of physical presence, limited communication, and his focus on a sexual relationship. Ask yourself if this is truly the kind of relationship you desire.
- Evaluate the physical relationship: The connection you feel with the guy you’ve met in person is important. Assess the compatibility, the way he treats you, and the potential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Consider the emotional support, trust, and respect he provides.
- Honesty is crucial: In any relationship, honesty is essential. It’s important to be truthful about your past and be open with your current partner about any lies or misrepresentations. Deception can damage trust and compromise the foundation of a relationship. Have an honest conversation with your current partner about your concerns, and make a decision together about moving forward.
- Prioritize your happiness: Remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects and values you. Consider which relationship brings you the most joy and fulfillment. You should not feel guilty about wanting to end a relationship that no longer serves you or makes you happy.
- Ending the long-distance relationship: If you decide to end your long-distance relationship, do so respectfully and honestly. Communicate your feelings and intentions clearly, but also be prepared for potential reactions or consequences. If there are any concerns about the pictures, it might be wise to address them with him directly or seek legal advice if necessary.
- Give yourself time: Take some time to be single and focus on yourself. It’s important to heal and reflect on what you truly want in a relationship before committing to someone else.
Remember, only you can make the final decision about your love life. Trust your instincts, be honest with yourself and others, and prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Good luck!
Warm regards,
Aunty Lisa
