Dear Aunt Lisa,
I write to you seeking guidance on a sensitive matter regarding my husband’s friend.
My husband and I have been happily mɑrried for five years. However, for the past two years, one of his closest friends has been making me uncomfortable with his behaviour towards me.
He compliments me excessively, finds excuses to touch or be close to me, and looks at me in a lingering way that makes me uneasy. When we are together as couples, I notice him trying to draw my attention away from my husband.
Recently, he messaged me on WhatsApp to confess that he is in l0ve with me and cannot stop thinking about me. I have not responded or encouraged his feelings in any way.
As a Zimbabwean woman, I am wary of refusing a man’s advances directly. Yet I cannot condone his behaviour or reciprocate feelings I do not have. My loyalty lies with my husband, who is a good partner.
However, I do not want to cause conflict by confronting his friend, for fear it may damage my husband’s friendship and affect our social circle.
Aunt Lisa, as a wise woman and counsellor, I turn to you for guidance on how to best navigate this situation while maintaining peace and protecting my marriage. I await your wise advice on how to resolve this dilemma in a sensible and culturally appropriate manner.
Yours sincerely
________________________________________________________________________
Aunty Lisa responds:
Dear daughter,
I understand this is a difficult situation that makes you uncomfortable. Your loyalty to your husband is right and natural. While cultural expectations may make confronting this friend directly seem difficult, not addressing his inappropriate behaviour also poses risks to your peace of mind and mɑrriɑgǝ.
My advice is to start by speaking with your husband. Explain to him in a calm manner what has been happening, how it makes you feel, and your concerns about damaging his friendship. A l0ving husband will want to protect you, and working through this together as a united front will give you both strength.
If your husband is willing, ask him to speak to his friend privately but firmly. He can explain that his inappropriate behaviour has made you uncomfortable and must stop. While trying to maintain their friendship, your husband should make it clear that continuing this behaviour risks damaging their relationship.
If your husband is hesitant to confront his friend, you can also send the friend a message expressing that while you value your friendship, his recent messages made you uncomfortable and cannot be repeated. Ask him to respect your relationship and your husband’s friendship going forward.
Whether the issue is addressed publicly or privately, staying calm, reasonable and respectful while being firm is important. Your husband’s support and having a united front will help navigate any potential discomfort from confronting this man directly.
Above all, prioritize protecting your peace of mind and marriage. You do not deserve to be made uncomfortable. With wisdom and patience, I trust you both can resolve this in a way that maintains harmony while setting clear boundaries.
Please let me know if you have any other questions. I wish you and your husband strength in navigating this tricky situation together with care and wisdom.
Aunty Lisa
