The seemingly idyllic marriage of Siya and Rachel Kolisi, South Africa’s power couple, has ended, leaving a nation reeling. Their joint statement, released on Tuesday, October 22nd, announced their separation “after much reflection and open conversations… from a place of love, respect, and understanding that this is the best path forward for both of us.”
However, the amicable tone of the official announcement belies a deeper, more complex story, one woven with threads of public pressure, personal struggles, and the enduring scars of past trauma.
Their love story began in 2012, a chance encounter at a Stellenbosch dinner party following a rugby match. Siya, then 21 and already a rising star, was in another relationship, which he later downplayed. Rachel, from Makhanda, and Siya, from Zwide near Gqeberha, both Eastern Cape natives, bonded over a humorous initial misunderstanding.
“She thought I was rude because I didn’t greet her properly,” Siya recalled in a YouTube video documenting their courtship. Yet, from this inauspicious start, a friendship blossomed, with Siya describing Rachel as bringing “calmness” into his life, a sentiment echoed in his autobiography, Rise. Their first official date at Cape Town’s V&A Waterfront cemented their connection.
Siya later explained his attraction, stating, “There were many reasons why I liked her but one of the biggest reasons was because she didn’t need me. There were girls who fell over themselves because you are a professional sportsman but Rachel wasn’t one of them.”
News of their burgeoning relationship reached Siya’s previous girlfriend, who reportedly commented, “Siya will be Siya,” a prescient observation hinting at his future struggles.
Their journey, however, wasn’t without its turbulence. Siya’s meteoric rise to fame as the first black captain of the Springboks, leading them to victory in the 2019 Rugby World Cup, brought intense media scrutiny and unwanted attention.
This, coupled with Siya’s own admissions of past struggles with “temptations, sin, lifestyle choices and pornography,” as detailed in his autobiography, created significant pressure on their relationship. Rachel’s initial fiery responses to online criticism gradually evolved into a more measured approach.
“I used to let online comments upset me. I would get fiery and respond back. Now I realise I’m a mom and a CEO so I stay out of those things,” she admitted.
One particularly public incident involved a social media confrontation with a model who claimed Siya had contacted her. The couple’s challenges extended beyond the public eye. Siya has been candid about his battles with womanising, pornography, and alcohol, stating, “I had to go to marriage counselling because I couldn’t give everything to my wife; because my heart was so hard.”
He attributes these struggles partly to his upbringing in Zwide, Gqeberha, remarking, “Growing up in the township, your parents aren’t watching you every minute, and kids end up seeing things they shouldn’t.”
He further explained, “In my community, you see it so many times that it becomes normal. That’s not good, being immune to things like that.” His honesty underscores the deeper emotional issues that may have contributed to the breakdown of their marriage.
He urged others to confront such struggles, stating, “You have to speak about it, get through it. That’s why you grew up and your heart is so hard.”
Rachel’s journey, though seemingly contrasting, reveals a resilience forged in adversity. Before meeting Siya, she navigated her own path, overcoming significant personal challenges. Speaking poignantly to Mpoomy Ledwaba on her podcast, Wisdom and Wellness, in 2021, Rachel shared her harrowing experience with depression stemming from her parents’ acrimonious divorce during her teenage years.
“This is just my personal story, I know that everyone’s teenage years and struggles are different. But my parents went through a really bad divorce and we were involved in that process and were kind of dragged in between it a lot,” she explained.
This led her down a dark path: “My parents’ (divorce) was challenging; I lost my way so much and found myself [in unhealthy] friendship groups. They’d be like ‘if you are having a tough day let’s have a drink or a smoke’ and that’s the environment I found myself in and it just spirals. Depression does that, it does that to a person where you are like ‘I’m not depressed, I’m fine.’ But in the meantime the decisions you take are sinking you down into a hole.”
She revealed a desperate attempt to end her life at just 15 years old, stating, “I was in a hole and I just wished that someone would drop down a ladder or a rope…I tried to commit suicide at 15. So I spent about 2-3 years cutting myself and crying for help but not finding it.”
Fortunately, a chance encounter in America helped her find a path to healing and strengthened her faith.
Their marriage, celebrated in 2016, represented a beacon of hope and resilience. They welcomed their first child, Nicholas Siyamthanda Kolisi, in 2015, and subsequently adopted Siya’s younger siblings, Liyema and Liphelo, after their mother’s passing in 2009. In 2020, they established The Kolisi Foundation to address inequality in South Africa, further solidifying their image as a force for good. Their relocation to France for Siya’s career with Racing 92, followed by their return to South Africa after another World Cup victory in 2023, only adds to the complexity of their narrative.
The announcement of their separation has sparked intense speculation, particularly on the popular podcast, Podcast and Chill, hosted by MacG and Sol Phenduka. Their episode, rife with unsubstantiated claims of infidelity, has ignited a firestorm of debate.
MacG expressed scepticism about the amicable nature of the split, stating, “It doesn’t seem like they grew out of one another… and I saw extracts from his book… where he said he had gone through porn addiction, alcohol, and some of his lifestyle choices were not the ones,” as quoted by IOL.
Phenduka suggested that infidelity might have played a role, stating, “I think what would drive a woman to the point of a divorce… cheating is one of them.”
MacG, while acknowledging the speculative nature of their discussion, added a provocative comment: “But if there is one guy in this country who is allowed to cheat, it’s Siya man. He’s a two-time World champion, come on.” T
he hosts also touched upon the cultural context, noting the pressures faced by Springboks who often marry young and the significance of family within their communities.
Despite the swirling rumours, Siya and Rachel remain committed to co-parenting and maintaining a respectful relationship.
