Bulawayo – A builder from Ntabazinduna, in Umguza District, Matabeleland North Province, is seeking a divorce from his wife of eight years, citing a bizarre and deeply troubling reason: he claims she demands payment for sexual relations, using his outstanding lobola debt as justification.
Evans Banda, a self-employed builder, has filed papers at the Bulawayo Customary Court, stating that he “no longer sees the benefits of being married to her” due to the alleged sexual extortion. According to Banda, his wife, Angela Mpofu, consistently denies him conjugal rights unless he pays her, a claim that, if true, would represent a profound breakdown of trust and intimacy within the marriage.
In his court documents, Banda details a disturbing pattern of behaviour. “My wife is denying me conjugal rights. We have not slept together for almost 11 months, and she says if I want to sleep with her, I should pay her,” he stated.
He further alleges that Mpofu has been explicit about the reason for her demands. “She has consistently told me that if I want to sleep with her, I should pay her since I have not finished paying lobola. I can’t do that right now; I can’t afford it.”
Lobola, the traditional bride price paid by a groom to his wife’s family, is a deeply ingrained custom in Zimbabwean culture. While it symbolises respect and appreciation, Banda’s claims suggest a twisted interpretation of the tradition, where it is being used as a tool for sexual coercion.
Banda paints a picture of a marriage devoid of intimacy and respect. He claims that Mpofu often enters the bedroom naked after bathing and applies lotion in his presence. However, when he attempts to touch her, she allegedly refuses and pushes him away.
“Whenever I try to touch her, especially when she comes from bathing while naked, she refuses and pushes me away,” Banda stated in his court papers.
The situation reportedly escalates at night, with Banda claiming that Mpofu “screams loudly enough for the children to hear” whenever he attempts to initiate intimacy. “At night, when I also try to touch her, she screams loudly enough for the children to hear, which I find humiliating,” he explained.
Banda laments that despite his efforts to provide for his wife, including financing her business ventures, she continues to deny him sex, insisting on payment due to the outstanding lobola. “I no longer see the benefits of being married to her,” he concluded.
Adding another layer to the already complex situation, Banda claims to have intercepted text messages sent by Mpofu to other men, allegedly expressing her sexual desires. He alleges that his wife would be sending messages to other men, telling them she was feeling a strong urge for sex.
Banda states that he cannot force his wife into sexual relations, as she currently has a protection order against him. This adds another layer of complexity to the case, suggesting a history of conflict and potential abuse within the marriage.
“I cannot force her, as she currently has a protection order against me,” Banda explained.
The case highlights the complexities and potential pitfalls of traditional marriage customs in modern Zimbabwe. While lobola remains an important cultural practice, its misuse can lead to exploitation and marital discord. The court will need to carefully consider the evidence presented by both parties to determine the validity of Banda’s claims and whether the marriage has indeed irretrievably broken down.
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