A Harare man’s nine-year sex drought, as detailed in yesterday’s front-page story, has ignited a firestorm of debate across Zimbabwe.
Katumba testified before Magistrate Meenal Naratom, painting a grim picture of his marriage to Stella Kangara. He claimed his wife’s refusal to have sex with him for nine years stems from his unemployment. His testimony detailed a pattern of alleged abuse: “She screams, bites and scratches me whenever I touch her,” he told the court.
“She yells, ‘You want to kill me!’ and pushes me away. I have been forced to sleep on the floor for nine years, while she occupies our bed.” He sought a protection order, arguing his wife’s actions constitute emotional and psychological abuse.
Kangara offered a contrasting perspective, directly linking her lack of sexual desire to her husband’s unemployment and the resulting financial strain. “I am not a sex object,” she stated.
“I need emotional and financial security to feel loved and appreciated. My husband’s lack of effort to get a job has killed my desire for intimacy. Sometimes we sleep on an empty stomach and he demands sex yet I will not have the energy to do so.”
Magistrate Naratom, while acknowledging the significant stress caused by unemployment, expressed serious concern over Kangara’s alleged behaviour. “While unemployment can be a significant stressor, it does not justify physical and emotional abuse,” she stated firmly. The magistrate granted Katumba a protection order, prohibiting Kangara from any further physical or emotional abuse and urging the couple to seek marriage counselling.
The story sparked a torrent of reactions from our readers, reflecting a wide range of opinions and perspectives on the issue. Many comments highlighted the financial pressures faced by Zimbabwean couples and the impact on marital relationships.
“Kana usina mari whether wakaroora or hauna that is the treatment you get. Ukasabhadhara tollgate zvedi haudariki,” commented Munashe Masuko, reflecting a common sentiment linking financial stability to marital harmony.
Others, however, criticised Kangara’s actions, viewing them as abusive regardless of the financial circumstances. “Good, he must be hungry for money instead,” stated obernash_venn.
Several readers questioned Katumba’s actions, suggesting he should have sought a resolution sooner.
“Bro you should have left her the first one week she did that,” advised calebtanya.
Others speculated about infidelity on either side, with marlverns suggesting, “Obvious, he is getting it somewhere else. Ambokoshei ko mukadzi wacho.”
The debate extended to broader issues of gender-based violence and the roles of men and women within marriage.
“Gender-based violence at its best ukaona murume azvisasika aremerwa the story might be about sex but truly he is being abused there,” observed anoflesy, highlighting the often-overlooked experiences of male victims.
Pauro Chimutanda offered a more nuanced perspective: “Vamwe varikuseka here but it’s happening out there. Vakadzi vanopfuhwira varume kunze uko kuti asaita gumbo mumba gumbo panze then life happens basa ropera.” He argued that a wife’s actions can inadvertently hinder a husband’s job search.
Some comments ventured into the realm of the supernatural, with Thando Michael Gumpo suggesting, “Most of these women use juju to control these men, which as a result of using voodoo, your man can’t find a job now.”
This highlights the prevalence of traditional beliefs and their influence on interpretations of such situations.
The comments also included legal observations. Chichie Mai Elroy pointed out, “One of the grounds for divorce: denying each other conjugal rights.”
Others, like Gevin Chiwade, expressed frustration with women’s perceived materialism: “Yaaaaa vakadzi ndakuonai hamuna love asi mongoda mari chete.”
Vimbai Makamanzi offered a more cynical take: “Sex haipihwe nyope inopihwa munhu dad vanotsvaga mari.”
